new eyes and a note

It's a Nikon P100 bridge camera, and it has better eyesight than I do. Part of me feels so excited that I feel as if I'm announcing the sex of a child. It has a fantastic zoom lens and nice macro. I owe a thank you to everyone who offered me advice, especially to Beth and Anoop. I took these yesterday:
[the moon, like a bulb]

[a pinecone]

Now, the note:

The thing about the cyber-world is that you can only seek the companionship of others through words and pictures. You can only know me through what I tell you, what you see is almost what you get, and then, you conjecture and assume, somewhere in the back or the front of your heads. I have an infinite bounty of time to choose my words carefully. It is also not very much expected of me to interact with you. None of what I just said, as I am aware of, stands true in face-to-face interactions and in the real world. When I speak to someone in a physical interface, my words do not flow like they do in mental conversations and like they do as I type. I've taken immense advantage of this fact by blogging to you, my audience. You do not know my most embarrassing moments, and will not unless I choose to share them with you. You have not seen me get angry or frustrated in a torrent of bitten nails and screams. You do not know that I had, at the age of three, the greatest fascination with pigs. I wanted to be a farmer's wife. You do not know how long my hair is and you do not know how old I am. I have not offered you very much personal information at all. 

By reading some of your own cyber-journals, I know that a few of you have indeed met face to face. In fact, I have found such a soft spot in your encouragement that I have deluded myself, partially, into thinking I have met each and every one of you. In my seeking of this anonymity, I don't intend to play mind games with you or muddle your brain until it's hell, but rather to do my best to give you an idea of who I am on the very inside, socially awkward exterior removed. What I need you to know is that what I tell you here are the things that mean the most to me, and, they are the things I consider the most personal. The things you say and the words you give me mean just as much. A little while ago, it scared me a little bit to think of encountering any one of you in person. I feared that you would not take me seriously. But, I now realize that all of you are such wonderful people that it truly would be a gift to meet you. I would only be awestruck. 

If my lack of grit-like, solid honesty has offended or put you off in any way, I owe you a profuse, profuse apology. I can only say that presenting myself as a sort of habitual liar was not my intention, and that I hope that you understand. If you have any questions at all, know that you can always contact me. My hair is by nature curly and a deep brown, and reaches the middle of my back.

I believe you should now be able to comment on Firefox. Please give it a try and let me know(via the comments page) if it works, and, if it doesn't please do shoot me an email. 




Anonymous said...

Nice pctures

Edge said...

I am so. jealous. of that camera. And the honesty.

Holly said...

we each have to find our own borders, girl. you're doing it your way and your way is fine.

odessa said...

hi julia,
love, love, love the moon pic. and thank you for your honesty. cheers! :)

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in the wake of light, your words bring me more(please, do leave your fingerprints behind, so I may relish the image of our hands after you go.)